Week 8 as a level 4 nursing student

Well. It's official, my friends. I've made it halfway through this semester! Yessssssss!

I'm not sure if you could tell, but last week was pretty hard. In my assessment for one of my patients, I missed that there was a bit of necrosis on their foot until my friend (who had the same pt assignment after my shift was over) asked me about it. I felt so dumb and just couldn't get past something like that. I was so frustrated with myself for missing something I should've seen. I took the socks off and charted about a bit of a break on the OTHER side of the foot but completely overlooked the part that was actually necrotic. I look back on it now and we laugh, because it's a learning experience, isn't it? But believe you me, last weekend, I beat myself up pretty bad about it. It wasn't just the necrotic foot, it was that I plugged the NG tube with my poorly crushed meds on Thur, then the missed necrosis on BOTH days and that I thought my pt was having a heart attack on Fri morning. I haven't gone home wanting to cry that badly since level 1. In fact, I haven't felt so incompetent in a really long time. But as it always is, you're your own toughest critic, right? Don't get me wrong, I'm not discounting the fact that I should've seen it and caught on, but I am only human. Moreover, I'm still a student and still learning.

Last weekend was relaxing. I met up with two nursing friends on Sun to study for our midterm on Tue for PBL on campus, but beforehand, two of us went running around the track at school. It was so good, we ran 5 laps and talked about what crappy weeks we both had. Knowing that I wasn't alone really helped. We studied diabetes for about 4 hours on Sunday and then we had a bigger study session on Monday night, too. We did a bit of studying, had dinner together, then finished the rest of the content.

This week in clinical, I felt like a rockstar with the NG tube because I went through mishaps the previous week. I don't know if Julie purposely gave me that assignment as a test, but in retrospect, I am thinking...hey, I learned from my mistakes. And that's the beauty of learning, isn't it? To continually surpass your previous benchmarks, striving for improvement, and consistently honing on your existing skills. This week, I left clinical really happy. Why? Because I was able to actually talk with my two patients, to get to know them in depth. I've realized that's where my passion in nursing comes from - the past 3 semesters, I was able to really get to know my patients. This semester, I've become so task-oriented that I lost sight of it. I felt so fulfilled being able to have conversations with my patients about their lives, their families, and things they cared about. I've missed being able to connect with ppl.

This past week, I had my mid-term evaluation with my instructor. :) I think the thing that made me happiest to hear was that many nurses said they liked working with me and that they felt I was a really good team player. My instructor was saying she wanted me to go find her more often to go over research and whatnot. I kind of got the feeling she felt I avoided her at times, which is NOT THE CASE AT ALL!! I find her incredibly approachable and I've been trying to become more independent this entire semester, so I think I'm trying too hard to be independent. I just see this as the last semester with an instructor, so it's time I get used to not asking for answers, but she's totally right, it's different asking her for answers and proposing answers I've thought up myself (which I thought I did, but I guess I don't!) So that was a good point for me to hear. A bit disappointing, but something else to strive for, right?

Here's to an incredible latter half of the term.
I've had a pt with malaria! They were lovely. :)

Applied to volunteer at the Vancouver Friends for Life Society! I've been wanting to do this since level 2!! A whole year, I've waited!!!! Yes. The time has come to stop procrastinating for everything. I'm running in a half marathon in May, I'm volunteering at this society. I need to live in the now, not in what's to come, two, three years down the line. This is my now.

Weeks 5-7 as a level 4 nursing student

I know I've been neglecting this blog like nobody's business. I guess that goes to show how tough it's been the past 4 weeks. It's been so busy I don't even really have time to cry. I feel so overwhelmed with everything I don't know and everything I've been missing that I don't even know what to do, sometimes. I keep replying to the 'how was clinical?'s with a generic 'it was good.' because I don't have the energy to even talk about how busy school, work, St John, and life have been. I haven't been this tired for this consistent a period of time in....I don't even remember. I haven't struggled this much with nursing school ever. Stay positive, stay positive, I know. And I try. Believe you me, I try. Frontload, you say? This semester, it's been on a week-week basis. But it's ok, in hindsight, everything's 20/20. Once xmas arrives and I get together with all my friends (if they still remember me) and do our homemade gift exchange, I'll look back and laugh at my very haggard self.

Highlights:
- Knowing that what sucks for me is nothing compared to someone who's been diagnosed w kidney failure, on welfare, has a child to support, and lost their child 3 years ago.
- Knowing that my nursing friends are right where I am, and who care enough to take the time to remind me of that.
- Knowing that had my pt actually had an MI, I would have done all the right things (lol)
- Knowing that I have the ability to voice my own thoughts and rationales about why I would do things the way I do it and not just follow suit.
- Discovering that you CAN make improvements in just one day, with just one experience, and you can rock that NG tube
- Taking the time to talk to a pt and preventing them from having a fall (true story).
- Consistently realizing the need for being flexible
- Having great friends I can depend on, who know exactly what I'm going through, who I don't always have to be jolly around
- Realizing what my limitations are and being able to stand up and articulate what I can't do without feeling incompetent

I know the first part of this entry was really bleak and this post wasn't great in terms of pt experiences, but I'm on a professional practice paper writing hiatus at the moment and those articles aren't going to read themselves. Oh, and trust me when I say I will come out of this semester a champ.